The Longest Day

Yesterday was one of the longest, most difficult days of my life.  It began early with a call to the repair shop to where I had my car towed.  I had to leave it outside the fence so they had to tow it inside then put it up on the rack to determine the damage.  It took a while for the wrecker to get there and then they had to look into it.  They got back to me late in the day with the estimate.  There was a whole lot more that transpired in my adventure of the day before that time arrived.  

It was not a day to be without transport, but yet there I was needing to be several places around town and the car was unavailable.  That left me to the vagaries of public transportation.  But first I had to go buy something at the market to get some cash back because I can't buy a day pass on the bus with a debit card.  I had to then take three different buses to arrive at the hospital in time for the Care Conference.  My niece beat me there, but I arrived ahead of my brothers.  Their greetings were somewhat less than cordial.   More like "oh, you're here" rather than "glad you could come".  Then the doctors and chaplain arrived and took us to the family consultation room for our conference.  There was not a lot of hope there for my Mother's long term survival with any quality of life.  We discussed all aspects of her diagnosis/prognosis going all the way back to a year and a half ago when we had a similar episode.  The outcome this time is not going to be quite the same.  For the moment, we told them to continue life support until Monday but if her heart failed not to perform CPR as that would hurt her more than help.  On Monday we have to decide if we want to keep the body alive with an invasive tracheotomy and gastric feeding tube.  There is little hope that she will regain consciousness, even after removal of the tube and weaning her off the drugs that keep her from fighting the machine.  

During the meeting, my phone rang with a call from my good buddy to check on me.  Before I could even say the words "I am still in the meeting and I will call you when I am done" my older brother jumped square in my shit saying what we were doing was too important for me to answer the phone.  I felt there was always room to be polite to a good friend who was calling to comfort me.  I got so angry, I had to leave the room, then I went basically berserk with a screaming and crying tirade.  The chaplain took me down to another room by myself and I screamed at him to "keep that fucking asshole away from me, I don't want to talk to him".  All this time, my friend was still on my phone and heard all that transpired,  He talked to me for about a half hour to calm me down and then I continued our conversation as I left the hospital so I could smoke a cigarette as the entire campus is smoke free.  

When I got back upstairs, the chaplain took me back to the conference where things were at least civil in addition to being tense and stressful.  We decided to go with the doctor's recommendation of another 3 days until Monday before we have to make an end of life decision.  I am definitely not looking forward to that meeting.  My niece and younger brother gave me a hug on the way out and I left without looking or speaking to the asshole who is my older brother.  

I then had to take two different buses to get from the hospital to work which was a whole 'nother trial in itself.  By the time I got off, I was so tired of having to fake an answer to "Hi, how are you?" or "how's it going?".  It is not my customer's fault that I am in this period of tribulation but it is not the easiest thing to have the decision to end your Mother's life on your mind, wonder how much the car is going to cost to get fixed and how in the fuck I am going to be able to afford a lawsuit against my former landlord and funeral expenses.  By the time my relief got there and my coworker gave me a ride home, I was physically and mentally exhausted.  

When I got home, I took some anxiety medication, smoked a little weed with my neighbor (who gives great hugs btw) and mellowed out.  So far I have stayed mellow, but then I haven't had to interact with the asshole today either .  

I got the car back this morning, the owner of the shop even came to pick me up at my place so I would not have to walk down there.  Total cost of my little automotive misadventure including towing, repairs and taxes came to $345.80.  There was some good come of this experience.  I found a reliable trustworthy mechanic with reasonable prices that does good work.  The cosmetic damage is not so bad that I can't live with it for the time being.  The mechanic checked the other wheels to prevent another occurrence and the car drives as good as it did before, so there was no permanent damage to my car.  All in all, it was expensive but the damage to the car and to me could have been so much worse.  After all it could have come off when I was on the freeway at speed and I might not be here to write these words today.  So someone was looking out for me even in my time of troubles.  

Now for some pre-weekend  entertainment to get you in the mood to party.  Your Friday Musical Moment features the 33 Variations on a Waltz by Anton Diabelli, Op. 120 by Ludwig von Beethoven with a performance by Grigory Sokolov.  You may also hear Beethoven's "Arch Duke" Piano Trio, Opus 97 over on my tumblr.  

Then I have some yummilicious young men on display below the video all set to inspire your Friday Night Fantasies.  More Fantasy Fuel can be found in the Hottie of the Day! over on my tumblr.  Thanks for stopping in, see you again soon.  Until next time as always, Enjoy!