By now you guys must be in a quandary about why there was no post on Thursday and the Friday post was cryptic at best. In fact, I do not know if I have the means to relate the events that have transpired since last I wrote coherently in these pages on Wednesday. How does one go from the flickering candle of hope to the raging firestorm of disaster and despair in the matter of just a few hours? I became so stressed out that it triggered a full tilt episode of PTSD and even now I am physically and mentally ill from the experience. What in retrospect was an impulsive and poorly planned move by Charles to hop on a bus and travel halfway across America to meet and get to know me quickly became an experience mired in controversy, complications and hysteria followed by a rapid departure to return to Pennsylvania. To say that Will and Charles did hit it off would be putting it mildly. To begin with, Will was adamantly opposed to the spontaneous nature of the visit and upon Charles' arrival, Will grilled him like the father of a virginal teenage girl would a prospective older date whose intentions were questionable at best. Add alcohol, stir vigorously and you have a recipe for some potent fireworks. The personality types of the two men are polar opposites. Charles is an ex Army Ranger and martial arts enthusiast who likes to drink beer and who gets loud and boisterous when he does. Will is an introverted, opinionated geeky type with a stubborn streak who detests drinking and the erratic actions of those who imbibe to excess. Oil and water, match to kindling, whatever your analogy of choice, it is a formula destined to blow up in your face. Which is exactly what happened. I was stuck between the two diametrically opposed combatants who were forcing me to choose between them. In the end I opted to stick with my dedication to Will's well being as I am his only means of support. Why does doing what is really only thing I could do make me feel guilty for sending Charles away? Why did things happen the way they did? Could I have done anything that could have made the outcome different that what it was? Did I miss the opportunity for a chance at a relationship with Charles or did I prevent the destruction of the relationship I have with Will? Why does this whole episode stress and depress me to the point of physical and mental illness? Is there yet hope for me? I wish I had the answers to all the questions that are jumbled in my head which feels like it is ready to explode. My nerves are raw, my heart aches, I have no appetite and what I have tried to eat tastes like ashes in my mouth. Will has been more affectionate that he has been in a long while, but is that just because he won and Charles did not? I do not know, all I know is it sucks to be me right now, yet I have no choice other than to move on with my life. So move on I will, I just wish the pain and confusion would go away.
I did manage to put together some music and glean the Best of the Web This Week from the photos I gathered. The music is Symphony Number 103 in E Flat Major, "Drum Roll", by Franz Joseph Haydn performed by Orchestra della Svizzera Italiano conducted by Peter Maag. This weeks photographic selections immediately follow the videos. Thanks for your patience and you visit. Until next time as always, Enjoy!
