The Most Wondrous Time of the Year

When I was a child, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to both last forever and pass all too quickly.  It was a magical time of joy and mystery and reverence for the baby Jesus.  My Mother was very active in the church's activities and my Dad loved putting up the lights and decorating the house and yard with Christmas scenery.  My brothers and I sang in the church choirs appropriate for our ages and I came to love the music of Christmas.  Then I grew up.  For many years as an adult, I maintained this joy of the Spirit of Christmas until about 1976 when my Mother outed me to herself and my Dad by snooping in my brief case and reading a letter I had written to a friend in California about my sexcapades on the trip from San Diego to Fort Worth.  From that time on, family gatherings were fraught with tension over the elephant in the room.  These events were so stressful for me that I eventually stopped going because I could not handle the stress.  I always cried all the way home.  It is a wonder I did not get in any accidents on those trips because I am sure I was not seeing anything but my tears.  I have not actually been inside my Mother's house since Mother's Day a few years back.  It was one of those times I was 'expected' to be there and everything I did or tried to do was wrong or misunderstood.  I do not know how I made it home that day.  I was so emotionally distraught, it drove me into the first really serious bought of depression that lasted for months.  

This week I have been talking with my eldest niece about Christmas.  It is really funny, my nieces and nephew have no  problem with the fact that I am Gay.  It is only the adults that have issues with it.  Anyway, my niece was telling me my Mother has been talking about me and wanting to see me for Christmas.  My Mother is 82 and there is the real possibility that she may not have many Christmas' left to enjoy.  Because I have to work on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and the fact that family gatherings seem to go so much better when I am not there, I am going to make a Christmas visit to my Mother tomorrow afternoon.  I am hoping that it is a pleasant visit and I do not come home crying and so emotionally overwrought that I am unable to function for days or weeks.  I want to have my Mother actually accept me the way I am, not how she thinks I should be, but I think that is a forlorn hope.  I have hopes for a least a non confrontational visit where we both stay off of subjects we know we disagree upon and stick to the safe stuff.  I have been so stressed about the whole thing, it is a wonder that Will has not shot me just to put me out of my misery.  I would love to be able to experience Christmas like I did when I was a child, but there have been too many years gone by and the world is not such an innocent place anymore.  I will settle for a peaceful visit and then come back to my side of town and try to put myself together enough to work my schedule with out being Ebenezer Scrooge instead of Bob Cratchit or Santa Claus.  Cross your fingers and wish me luck......

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Your play list for today includes three Violin Concerti, BWV 1041, 1042 and 1043 by Johann Sebastian Bach.  The Violin Soloist is Anne-Sophie Mutter accompanied by the English Chamber Orchestra under the baton of Salvatore Accardo.  The painting in the video is "Young Woman Playing a Violin" by Orazio Gentileschi.   Following the play list is a collection of young gentlemen who definitely qualify for dynamite delights in denim making up this week's edition of Men In Jeans.  Thank you for spending part of your day here at Nichevo.  See you again tomorrow.  Until next time as always, Enjoy!