Reflections

After the Sensory Overload that was yesterday, I have been rather low key today and reflecting on the events and their relevance to my immediate future. I cannot help but wonder what the future holds for me as circumstances unfold in the next few days. I am hopeful for a positive outcome for the adventures ahead while fearing the possibility of major disappointment. Yet without allowing myself to be open to the opportunities that have presented themselves, I would have serious regrets if I chose not to participate in the possible joyousness that could occur. I have therefore spent some time in the recesses of my mind, perhaps being too analytical, while at the same time attempting to allay the fear that I feel. I must admit the opportunity for reconciliation with my family is perhaps the single event that could color the rest of my life with joy or sadness. One of my faithful readers wrote to me "of course you will go to Christmas dinner - if for no other reason than to give Ryan another reason to smile and be happy. So, you be Noble and hold your head up and go." So in the hope that I have the nobility required to attend with graciousness and be open to an interchange of forgiveness for the years we have spent in acrimony and distrust, I have responded to the invitation and made the necessary arrangements for transport to the event. It is perhaps the dream of familial acceptance in the heart of every Gay man that leads me to believe in possibility for the return of the joy this Christmas season that has been lacking for so long in my life. In this vein I present to you one of my favorite Carols of Christmas that seems to express the hope that I feel.

The coming days hold forth the opportunity also to regain a firm foothold on solid ground in the financial realm with the new job. The base salary of which is greater than my last position with the addition of commission and bonus on top of that. So the return to fiscal health seems to be assured in the long term while the short term still presents its challenges. However like unto the Samurai warrior I must diligently apply my skills to gain victory. This I can do. If nothing else, I have the gift of gab with which I can facilitate success in my new position. It is comforting to know I have friends within my new company already with whom I can consult and learn. As well as a sound corporate structure of a successful 90 year old company with facilities world wide that present many paths to personal success.

As all these thoughts stream through my mind, I feel some of the shackles of self doubt falling away being replaced with renewed confidence in my ability to withstand the tests of time and adverse conditions. For Lord knows that I have faced many an adverse condition of late. Yet here I stand, undaunted, ready to go forth and once again stand among those whom I admire and respect without feeling diminished or paling in comparison. It is in this journey to self respect and personal success that one finds the depths of ones character. It also allows us to peer into our future to create the visual of who we desire to be and map the path to that destination. I have always felt that it is within my destiny to achieve that which I desire. I have stumbled often on this journey but the mark of a man is not in the number of times he stumbles but in the number of times he picks himself up and continues on his journey.

I count myself privileged to have this outlet with which to relate the tales of my journey and to be able to include you, my faithful readers, in the adventures contained therein. I draw strength from you as you have responded to the chord that I have struck in your hearts and minds in that you can relate to the struggles and joys that one experiences in the journey of life. You all have encouraged me to continue in my pursuit of my dreams and the telling of the tales that accompany that pursuit. For with out sharing our experiences, remembering our history together or separately, we can not hope to continue as a community. It is the sharing with those who follow behind us, a passing of the torch if you will, that permits our future to surpass our past. It is my desire to live long enough to see the LGBT community gain the acceptance and respect we all deserve as members of worldwide society. Each of us must play our part in the furtherance of the goals of tolerance and understanding. While we may rail at the fundies and theocrats, it is only in the process of educating them through the love we have for ourselves. for each other, and for them that we can hope for the redemption of those that oppose us.

For those of us who have suffered the slings and arrows of the battle, who have redefined family as those whom we choose to love without reservation, we must remain steadfast in our resolve to make the world a better place for those to come so that they may not have to experience that which we have. To the youth of today we must impart the wisdom we have gained. For in the imparting of our experience we learn too of new ways in which to achieve the goals of equality, acceptance and respect. In this Season of Joy, pause for a moment and reflect on the path that has brought you to where you are and with whom you could share that experience in the hopes of making one more corner of the world brighter for our having been there.

As we gaze upon the vistas of our future, we can see a better world in which all are welcomed into the fellowship of mankind without reservation or prejudice. It is my hope for all of us that we reach that point in my lifetime. Come along with me as we continue on this journey together.

I will leave you to your thoughts with the wish for you the Joys of the Season and the Love that you all so richly deserve. So until next time as always, Enjoy!